my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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