We're facebook friends in real life
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
