Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
