my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize