I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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