You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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