Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
