this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
