Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize