he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
