You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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