nut hugger
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
