sarcasm needs its own font
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
