Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
