The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
