I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
