"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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