Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
