Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
