Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
