just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
