is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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