forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
