Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
