On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
