yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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