You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
