I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
