I think my fart just growled at me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
