it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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