I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
