I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
