ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
