Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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