we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
