Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
