when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
