we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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