The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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