Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
