he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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