I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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