Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
