I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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