To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
