i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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