There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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