his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
