No stitches, just platelets and will power
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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