That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
