this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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