Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
