He had one of those small greek statue penises
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
