I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
