You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
