Sponge bath it is.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
