How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
