I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You took a bar mat shot.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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