Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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