y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
