i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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