I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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