Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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