i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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