Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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