Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Randomize
