yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
