I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
