Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
