i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
