how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
