I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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