Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
