i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
