her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
