u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
