when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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