You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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