her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
