Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
