also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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