You can't special order awesome
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
