we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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