You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
