as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
