her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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