AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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