I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
