Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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