You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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