im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
