Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
