Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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