just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
